


Liability

by IntoTheVoidAndBeyond6



Category: RPF - Fandom, Scott Moir/Tessa Virtue - Fandom
Genre: F/M, RPF, figure skating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-10-30 16:00:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17831678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntoTheVoidAndBeyond6/pseuds/IntoTheVoidAndBeyond6
Summary: She had won a gold medal and it didn't even matter. She had cut her legs open and had them sewn back together and it didn't matter. She had thought that them competing and winning had been enough. But in the end, it wasn't.She's never hated anyone the way she hates Scott Moir





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let me start this by saying I think Tessa and Scott are fab and I'm actually a Meryl and Charlie fan too. I just like writing angst and have no personal investment in these individuals real lives and just like to write. Enjoy :)

She sees them glide around the rink and thinks how much she hates them. Meryl with her perfect tiny body and perfect makeup and perfect graceful lifts.

How Marina has tossed them to the wind. How even though she'd won a gold fucking medal it didn't matter anymore. How she'd torn her legs wide open. Fixed herself and trained until her she'd had nothing left in her. She gave everything she had and it had been enough.

Until it hadn't.

"Tessa, staring at them isn't going to make us any better." Charlie whispers, squeezing her hand gently.

She feels the tears prick up in her eyes and she looks at her new partner. The one who helped her come back from the edge. The one who told her that her career didn't have to end just because her partner found someone else.

"We can win it, I truly believe that Tess." She nods slowly, she wouldn't have accepted his offer if she thought that they couldn't win. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to watch him skate with someone else though.

She'd torn her legs open, won him a medal and he'd turned around and found someone new.

 

_And she would never quite hate anyone the way she hates Scott Moir._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really don't know the logistics of trading partners across different countries so if you get caught up in that sorry. Just the concept alone was intriguing to me and wouldn't go away so here we are. Plus angstttt all the angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I have not abandoned my other story. Yes, I will also be updating it soon. No, I have no idea when I'll be updating this next. Hope you enjoy :)

She's spends a lot of time learning to let Charlie touch her. She has to stop herself sometimes, from imagining different hands gliding her along the ice. It isn't his fault, but there are times she does something from muscle memory and realizes that he isn't Scott and doesn't know what she's thinking and they miss a movement. He doesnt' know her like the back of his hand. Marina is constantly griping at them about it.

  
_You're two people who are supposed to be in love._

_  
You're not little shy children._

_  
Love. Lust. Passion._

  
She can't look him in the eyes without laughing.

  
The music cuts off and Marina is pissed. Which is nothing new. She doesn't yell at Scott and Meryl the way she yells at her and Charlie, but it's the new normal.

"What is wrong?!" Marina huffs, as they skate over to her at the boards, her waving her arms around. It's almost comical and Tessa has to cough to cover the laugh bubbling its way to the surface. Charlie gives her a worried look and she just waves it off.

  
"Charlie, you look like a little boy whose never seen a woman's body before. And Tessa, you must grab him. Grab, his thigh. Like you're holding on for dear life... You need him."

  
This time Tessa actually giggles, unable to stop herself and Charlie starts in too.  
"All I do is look at women Marina," he says wiggling his eyebrows. Tessa bursts out at that and suddenly everyone in the rink is staring.

  
"Laugh now, but when there is no chemistry, when your technique is mediocre, and your scores are low. Don't coming crying to me." She says plainly, clearly not in the mood for jokes.

Tessa's heart sinks at that, as if they already didn't know they were at a disadvantage. When they skate away from her she hears his voice in her ear, "Don't let her get to you. I know we aren't her favorite and everyone here thinks this is going to be a mess, but we'll show them Tess."

  
This is one of the many things she doesn't mind about skating with Charlie. The mental stability he gives her both on and off the ice. With Scott it was always passion, but none of the stability that came with it. After the first time he didn't show up after her surgery he lost her trust and never fully got it back. He certainly would never have it now.

  
But with Charlie she can almost stand the hawk-like eyes that are always on them at the rink. The way he tries his best to block her view of Meryl and Scott when their entangled in one another. That he doesn't leave her alone, until she makes it clear she needs space. That he has her back. How when a mistake is made, he doesn't make some passive agressive remark about how it isn't but is her fault.

Charlie’s hand feels warm in hers, the pressure just a little too light to be deemed passionate, but she likes it all the same.

  
She like the idea of winning with him by her side. She remembers what that gold medal felt like pressing on her chest in Vancouver and thinks nothing will ever feel that good, but she's wrong. Beating Scott, beating them, would be better than anything she could ever imagine for Charlie and her. It would be the best kind of revenge, the kind Tessa's always read about in books.

  
She tries to remember this as she catches sight of Marina talking to Scott and Meryl at the boards. Not yelling, not waving her arms. Just talking. It makes her blood boil. What on Earth had she said that made Scott let go of her so quickly. She has some ideas. Most of which revolve around Tessa never being back up to par where she was in Vancouver.

People may wonder why she and Charlie went back to Marina and Igor after everything that had happened and frankly it was rather simple. Right now, they were the best even if they didn't think her and Charlie were.

Well, she'd show them both.  
So, when Charlie tugs her along, pulling her back into the present she reminds herself that he's her center now.

 

\------

 

She hears them speaking on the other side of the door and hesitates.  
"Yeah, Marina's just being Marina." she hears Charlie say the words evenly.

  
"Well, she seemed pissed, just wanted to make sure you guys were okay." She can hear the way Scott's words taper off, has to fight the urge to roll her eyes.

  
"You guys or Tess?" Charlie gets straight to the point.

  
_Thank you Charlie_ , Tessa thinks, still not opening the door.

  
"I just need to speak with her Charlie."

  
"I dont think she wants to speak with you, and I think you should respect that."

  
She hears Scott let out a huff, and finds it in herself to push the door open, just a little.

"Hey Charlie?" She smiles right past Scott at him, willing him to understand. "I'll meet you back at your place in a half hour okay?"

  
He nods at her and walks off, leaving her with the one person she never wanted to be alone with again.

  
"You clearly can't take a hint." She says meeting his eyes at last. Her ignoring his calls, texts, walking past him anytime they're in proximity to one another, basically pretending he doesn't exist. It's because she has no interest in being anything to him anymore.

  
"Come on Tess," He murmurs as she walks past him, nudging his shoulder with her own. She flinches when she feels his hand on her wrist.

  
"Don't touch me."

  
He releases her instantly.

  
"You cant stay mad at me forever. I know. I know this whole thing is fucked." he runs his hand through his hair, "But now that you and Charlie are training here again too. It's... we should be able to be polite to one another."

  
"You can go choke Scott."

  
She makes her way out to her car and can feel him on her heels, far enough away that she can't yell in his face, but still too close for comfort.

"Tessa please." His words sound broken as she turns around to face him.

  
_Good._

  
"You left me remember? The second I went under the knife for a second time you dipped. We won gold Scott, I helped you win gold and what did you do in return? Snatched Meryl out from under Charlie, with the help of Marina for Gods sake. You promised me Scott. Promised. So, pardon me for not giving a fuck about being poilte or not wanting to be friends with someone who left me high and dry."

  
"You said you were done!" he yelled back.

  
"I said the doctor's said I might be done! Don't try and twist my words around. This is on you. All of this. Our ruined partnership, our friendship, our rela-." She whispers off the last word, unable to finish it.

  
At least he has the decency to look guilty about it.

  
"I laid in bed waiting for you to come see me. To help me through PT like you said you would. To be there at all. You said this time was different. And it really was because this time I wasn't hearing rumors about you skating with sandbags and testing out new partners. I was hearing you were practicing with Meryl. _Fucking Meryl_ Scott."

"My career wasn't over yet." He said the words like they were some kind of defense.

  
"None of ours were. That's why were all here."

  
She must have hit a nerve because his jaw clenches at her next words. Blinking back the tears in her eyes, her voice tight, but trying to remain calm.

“I thought since we’d won the Olympics and you promised we would go after Sochi I thought you’d be there for me this time. But you weren’t so don’t talk to me about being polite and skating in the same place and acting like everything's fine because I can't.”

  
"Tess." He says reaching for her, but she steps back.

  
"I needed you," and she hates the way her voice cracks. "I relied on you to be there. We were working on trust. I needed you to be there and you weren’t. So stop looking at me like you miss me, like I'm the one who got a new partner first, like I've betrayed you. You don't get to be any of those things because you did this."

His eyes look angry and she wishes it made her happy, but this whole conversation's just left her feeling raw. And just when she thinks he's going to make some snappy comment, or hurl cruel words back at her her he just whispers.

  
"Tell Charlie it isn't about looking at you like he loves you. Tell him... Tell him if he doesn't see you that way then to imagine someone that he does. That he just has to pretend. That's what Marina tells me when I don't look like I love Meryl."

  
She can feel her heart beating in her fingertips. Her nerves suddenly on edge. Her cool green eyes meeting his dark hazel ones. She nods just once, before opening her car door and high tailing it out of the parking lot.

 

\------

 

Things lighten in the weeks that follow between the two pairs. An impasse of sorts. They're all familiar with one another. They're all working toward a common goal. They have the same coaches.

Something Tessa just can't seem to shake though is Scott's gaze.

  
He’s staring at her. Sometimes when he thinks she's not looking, others when he waits for her eyes to meet his. For a moment, she lets herself think about before. That's what she's made of her time skating with Scott. The before and after.

They'd spent an enormous amount of time learning how to respond to one another. How to assess another's gaze on the ice. But she doesn’t know what to do with herself now that they don't have to do that.

  
Meryl has been less catty with her and Charlie seems to be over everything for the most part. But Scott, sometimes she thinks her words might have hurt him more than he deserved and other times he looks at her with laughter in his eyes and she can't make heads or tails of it.

 

They exit the ice at the same time that day and she can't help herself when her gaze catches his again.

  
"What?" she asks, raising her eyebrow slightly. She tries not to sound rude, but even as the words leave her mouth she finds herself wince.

  
"Nothing," he says. Eyeing her up and down, so quickly she thinks she's imagined it. "Just that. It looks like you told Charlie my advice."

  
An awkward pause passes between them.

  
When she shrugs he smiles and his eyes look warmer, softer and she has to stamp down the flutter she feels in her stomach.

"You two look good out there together Tess."

  
She swallows the lump in her throat, knowing how hard it must be to say that. “Thanks,” she says quietly, "You guys look pretty good too." She tacks onto the end.

  
He smiles wider then, like he's unable to contain himself. "See, that wasn't so hard kiddo. Look at the two of us, acting like adults."

She doesn't have it in her to contradict him. The pain will always be there, she just chooses not to dwell on it anymore. She has bigger things to worry about than Scott Moir.

Maybe she had been wrong before about being polite and skating in the same place and acting like everything was fine.

It's not fine, but at least he isn't in her head like before. Charlie and her had been skating excellent lately and that was one thing that made her happy. 

"I don't think a polite two minute conversation leaving the ice is exactly what I would consider being an adult, but it's better than being at each other's throats all the time. We'll save that for competition when we wipe the floor with you." She smiles too sweetly so that he knows she's only teasing.

  
_Well sort of._

  
It has its desired effect when he laughs, giving her shoulder a light squeeze. "You keep dreaming Virtch, but I should go Meryl's probably waiting for me. Apparently were going bowling."

 

They’ve spent most of their lives skating with one another, knowing each other. Which is why she tries not to be hurt by Scott bowling with Meryl, something he'd never done with her, even when she's begged. She didn't even like bowling. She just wanted to see if Scott would do it. And he never had. When she watches him walk out of the rink that day, she thinks about all the things Meryl will know about the new Scott Moir the after Scott Moir.

 

\------

 

Tessa spends a lot of her free time with Charlie. In part because he's her only real friend at the rink right now and in part because she's been trying to build some kind of relationship with them that ties them together both on and off the ice.

She finds herself enjoying hockey games and he finds that black and white movies aren't that bad. She gets used to his relaxed attitude in the same way he learns about her need for perfection.

As the weeks pass she finds Charlie to be a true companion for her. Not in any kind of romantic way, but in a reliable way. In the way you know someone is there for you.

He listened as she complained about Canton not being home. About how much she missed her sister when she went these long stretches of time without seeing her.

How sometimes she just missed the fresh Canadian air. It didn't matter how much she skated with Charlie, a huge part of her heart would always be in Canada. He listened and never judged her for it.

  
He caught her after practice once, when her legs felt like they were burning from the inside out and she excused herself to go to the bathroom. He'd cornered her and asked her what was wrong. Not buying it when she said she was fine.

Telling her they'd be talking to physio in the morning and sitting by her side for the two days after when she was told to give her legs a little break. Charlie pushed, but not too hard. He reminded her that they were a team and that if she was in pain she needed to tell him.

  
She found herself worried that if he knew her legs still bothered her sometimes that he would leave her too. He held her in his arms a long time after that. Telling her that there wasn't a chance he would leave her because she was his best chance at gold. His only chance. He would never throw that, throw her away.

In his arms, she laughed. When he looked down at her confused she smiled up at him. She just shook her head.

Never in her life had Tessa Virtue felt so safe in the arms of some that she had no romantic entanglments with. That's what she wants to remember. How soft his eyes were, how solid his arms feel around her, how as absurd as it sounds he reminds her of her older brother and the way he used to take care of her.

  
There were few people who knew what kind of stressed she dealt with daily. But Charlie did, and he hardly ever vented to her. But she knew he was hurting too.

She didn't for a moment think he was in love with Meryl, but she saw the way his eyes would look for her at the rink. The way he got this nostlogic look on his face when he saw her moving across the ice. She'd give his hand a gentle squeeze then. If only to let him know she understood.

Charlie didn't like talking about the past, but it didn't mean he wasn't in pain too.  
So that's what they did for each other now.

He learned to understand her and he would listen to all of her venting and in return she'd be his rock too. She considered them friends first, and partners second. They had known each other too long for it to be the other way around.

 

\------

 

She finds herself in the hotel lobby at Two AM, unable to sleep. Worlds is in less than two days and she finds herself alone at one of the many small cozy tables, trying to read her book.

Trying to focus on anything other than the stress of their upcoming competition.  
She sees the fat drops of raining hitting the window when she hears him clear his throat.

  
"Couldn't sleep either eh?" Scott sits in the seat across from her, handing her a cup of steaming liquid.

  
"I really don't think coffee is the best-." She starts, but he cuts her off.

  
"It's Hot Cocoa."

  
She nods taking the cup from him and their fingers brush. Both ignoring the sparks they still feel between them. When she doesn't speak he does, unable to sit in silence apparently.

  
"First big competition nerves right?"

  
She merely nods, but that isn't enough for him.

  
"Where's Charlie?" he asks nonchalantly.  
She thinks of Charlie, curled up under the warm comforter fast asleep in their room. He passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

"In our room." She notices the way he winces at her use of the word 'our'.

  
"You should probably get some sleep too." He chides her.

  
She shrugs again, knowing that even if she were to lay down now, a good nights sleep would evade her. Too many things are moving through her mind.

  
"You know whatever happens. If we win or you do. I'll be happy for you. Truly."

  
"In your dreams will you be beating me and Charlie," she smiles. "You've seen our program right, puts yours to shame."

  
He doesn't play along with her humor though. Reaching for her hand across the table.

  
"I mean it Tessa. Whatever happens. When we get back to Canton, I want us to still be us."

  
She slides her hand out of his. "There is no more 'us' anymore Scott." She finds it hard to get this fact through to him sometimes. When he tries to be overly friendly. When he tries to act like everything was from before. 

"You know what I mean." He looks right into her eyes then. I serious edge to them that she doesnt see often. "Someday we'll be able to talk to each other again like friends instead of competitiors."

She thinks about that possibility and it worries her that she doesn't see something like that in their future. Too much of everything between them to really ever be just friends. "I hope that's true Scott."

  
They're both quiet for a while after that. Just sitting at the same table watching the rain fall in the early morning hours. Her Scott never stopped talking, so this is a whole new him to her.

As much as she hates the idea she knows that Scott isn't hers anymore and it's long past time that she stop acting like she has any kind of claim to him.

  
"I really am sorry Scott."

  
"For what?" he seems genuinely confused at the turn of conversation. His brow furrowed.

  
"For the way I treated you when Charlie and I came back to Canton." She says evenly.

  
"I think I deserved most of that Tess."

"No one deserves that. I meant to hurt you, but I didn't mean to be cruel."

  
"I know it doesn't mean much now, but I'm sorry too. For leaving you. For not fixing things between us before they got so bad. For all of it."

  
Their words sit between them and Tessa feels strange saying it all out loud. He looks at her and his eyes look sad and she imagines hers are a mirror of his own. She finds the courage to say the next words because she wants him to understand.

  
"I know you only came down here because you know I can't sleep before competitions Scott, but it's not your job to worry about me anymore."

  
If it were possible she thinks she's made him more sad. A small frown settling it's way on his face.

  
"I think I'll always worry about you Tessa Virtue." He says, standing up from the table and turning to go. "You should still try and get some sleep."

 

 

 

_She tosses and turns the entire night._


	3. Chapter 3

They take bronze at Worlds. Which wouldn't be so awful if Meryl and Scott werent stand one step higher. Silver medals gleaming. Bile rises in her throat. Anger seeps out of her. She wanted this one so badly and they still came up short.

Scott and her had been Olympic champions. Now both of them were taking Silver and Bronze medals. She felt like this was some cosmic joke.

  
\------

  
When they make it back to Canton, Meryl decides to throw a celebratory party. When Tessa politely declines, not wanting to see Scott with his new girlfriend and not wanting to celebrate their silver medal, Meryl is pretty persistant.

Tessa gives her a 'Fine, but only for a little while' and then begs Charlie to go with her. Not that she has to twist his arm or anything because she knows he wants to see Tanith. 

When they show up fashionably late, most of the people are already drunk and she sees Fedor across the room giving her a once over. Tessa knows better, but she gives her best flirtatious smile back. Fedor may be an idiot, but he could be a hell of a distraction.

She finds her gaze moving around the room after that, knowing exactly who she's looking for and at the same time hoping he isn't present. It really wouldn't make any sense for him to not be here.

Lucks never been on her side though, she thinks as she sees him, sitting on one of the couches, beer in hand, girlfriend in his lap. She finds her way into the kitchen then, pouring whatever pink liquid is in the punch bowl into her cup. If she drinks too much, she'll just puke it up later anyway.

When she makes her way back into the living room she finds Scott's gaze searching the room, until his eyes meet hers. She hates the way she feels this need in the pit of her stomach.

The way she feels this heat creep up her cheeks. He smirks at her then, holding up his glass in a salute and she raises her slowly back. His head dipping into his girlfriend's neck.

Tessa decides then and there that just because he has a girlfriend doesnt mean she has to watch them go at it on the couch.

Strong arms reach around her waist and pull her back into their body and she recognizes Fedor's voice instantly in her ear. "Pretty surprised to see you here tonight Tess."

It sends a shiver down her spine being close to him again. Not because she in any way loves Fedor, but because she remembers what being with him was like. Quick. Hard. Fuck. It was something Tessa appreciated in it's efficiency.

Even as he’s holding her, she’s irritated with the way she reacts to him. Fedor is just another distraction. Another tug away from the Gold medal she wants so badly. But maybe a distraction is exactly what she needs to cleanse her system.

And the way he's looking at her now makes her think he probably wouldn't say no if she asked. She turns around then in his arms. Fingers running through the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Fedor, I feel like when it comes to me, nothing should surprise you."

Someone knocks into her then, pushing her closer to Fedor, his hands finding the curve of her waist and giving her a squeeze.

A lazy smile finds it's way to her face and she knows she's going to get exactly what she wants.

"You want to dance?" He asks, dipping his head down into her neck and she can feels his tongue and teeth trying to mark her. 

Tessa gets a sick sense of pleasure that she now gets to accomplish two things tonight. She gets to show Scott she isn't still some sad pathetic person he dumped almost a year ago, and she gets to stick it to Marina by fucking her son, all while she thinks Tessa is some kind of disappointment. 

His eyes are dark when she pulls away from him, he's clearly been drinking, she can smell it on his breath, but he doesnt seem to that affected. Something Tessa can't help but ask, "How many drinks have you had?"

"Haven't had any in the last hour. I'm good." Knowing exactly where her mind is going. Leave it to Fedor to have a one track mind like herself.

When he pulls her closer she finds that his hands are everywhere, her back, her neck, her ass. "We can keep dancing Tess, but I'd rather be doing something else with these hands."

She barks out a laugh and some people stare, but she can't help it. 

"I'd rather be doing something else too." she whispers in his ear.

When he pulls her from the makeshift dancefloor by the wrist she knows she should stop this. Knows that this will probably complicate things further, knows that she doesnt love Fedor.

But this is easier. Blowing off some steam with someone she wants no romantic entanglements with is simple. 

What she doesn't expect is another hand gripping her wrist, pulling her to a standstill. A familiar touch she wishes she could forget.

"Where are you going?" Scott voice says evenly.

She can tell that he's been drinking too. His eyes taking on that glassly look, but doesn't choose to dwell on it.

"Upstairs with me." Fedor answers for her, "So piss off yeah?" He gives her a small tug in his direction away from Scott. But Scott keeps a firm hold on her.

"Come on Tess, what are you doing with this loser?" And it's like a cold bucket of water has been poured over her. Anger seeping out of every pore as she whips around to meet Fedor's eyes.

"Wait upstairs for me, this shouldn't take more than two minutes."

When Fedor smirks at Scott over her shoulder, she feels more powerful too. Like a giant _Fuck You Scott Moir_ is flashing above her head. Screw being adults, screw being polite at the rink. Every time she thinks things are okay, he feels the need to flex his muscles at the fact that Tessa was once his, in every sense of the word.

_Well not anymore._

Fedor walks up the stairs slowly leaving Tessa to turn on Scott.

"Where's your girlfriend Scott?"

"Excuse me?" He asks, taking a step up closer to her on the stairs.

"Your girlfriend, the one who was draped all over you lap earlier. The one you were making out with on the couch. Yeah, that girlfriend."

"Come on Tess don't turn this on me, I'm just looking out for you."

"Well, stop. I don't need you. Haven't needed you in a while." She says it so nonchalantly she almost believes it herself.

He takes two more steps so they're almost on level ground. His eyes searching hers. "That's bullshit any we both know it."

"How so?" She says challenging him.

"Because I still need you, still think about you all the time."

_No_.

They're not doing this here. With all these people and Scott clearly having too much to drink. He'd never admit this to her while sober. She knows if she lets him keep talking he'll just break her.

"You have a girlfriend, and I have someone waiting for me upstairs."

"Fuck Fedor, we both know he's an ass."

"I plan too."

It's not the answer he wants. Bringing his hand to her waist then, and she can feel the goosebumps rising on her arms at the contact. When she doesn't push him away she feels his hand make its way under her shirt, his hands warm, pulling her closer to him. 

"Why are you being like this" she asks breathily.

"Please don't fuck Fedor."

"Scott..."

"I've missed you so much T." 

 

_And suddenly Scott is kissing her._

_And Tessa is kissing him back._

"Sco-," she tries to pull back, but he pulls her in closer, his tongue sliding it's way into her mouth and she can feel the vibration, when he hums. She sighs back into his mouth, her lips brushing against his.

She knows better. Knows this is a bad idea. Knows that neither of them is drunk enough to pretend this didn't happen in the morning. 

He grips her face between his palms leaving her no more room to argue. His tongue becoming more insistent. Her gasping when he bites her lower lip.

She can feel every inch of him, including how hard he's growing against her. And Tessa knows she needs to end this. Knows they need to stop, but she finds herself rolling her hips back into his.

When she finally pulls away they're both panting and her forehead is pressed against his, his eyes searching hers for some kind of answer she can't give.

"She doesn't mean anything. She isn't you."

It's too much then she realizes and pulls away from him. Knowing that everything that just happened was a mistake. When she high-tails it up the stairs not looking back and finds Fedor in the bedroom passed out she locks the door and texts Charlie asking when can they go home.

She finds her way into the bathroom and sits by the toilet waiting for the bile to rise in her throat, but it doesn't come. When Charlie finds her a half hour later he holds her hand gently. Coaxing her to her feet, asking if she can walk.

I'm not that drunk she thinks. Just tired. So fucking tired.

"Tessa," he whispers, looking really disappointed but whatever he's thinking he keeps to himself.  

When she finds her way back to Charlie's car and he helps her back into her house after a short drive, she doesnt even remember her head hitting the pillow.

  
\------

  
If she thought the wicked headache she woke up with this morning was bad, having to make her way to the rink is even worse.

Fedor's eyes follow her like a hawk and under the stark lights in the rink, she doesn't know why she'd even entertained the idea of hooking up with him last night. But seeing Fedor had nothing on seeing Scott.

He didnt avoid her gaze. If anything she's have preferred that. No. Scott's eyes met hers over and over again with the same look of disappointment. Disgust. And if Tessa dared admit it. A tinge of jealousy.

Charlie just kept mumbling for her to ignore it, but could feel the way she tensed up anytime they skated near them. "Did something happen last night that I have to worry about?" Charlie whispered in her ear before spinning her.

She shakes her head. "Nothing that matters."

"Well Scott's been shooting daggers in your direction all morning."

When she doesn't respond he takes the hint and drops it. Skating around the rink with her until they both know it's enough for the day.

If Tessa thought she'd slip away unscathed, she should have known better. Scott cornering her as Charlie's chatting it up with Igor.

"You know fucking Fedor isn't going to score you any extra help with Marina. It's pathetic Tessa, really... that you'd stoop that low."

_It's the single meanest thing he's ever said to her._

"Fuck you, Scott."

"You already have."

She feels the unwanted tears prick up in her eyes and sees the instant he realizes he's gone way past too far.

"Tess-."

She holds up her hand to stop whatever words are about to leave his mouth.

"You really are a piece of work Scott. Telling me I'm pathetic while, practically begging me not to fuck him last night. Well I did, hard and fast because Fedor isn't some fucking child too afraid to take what he wants."

When he doesn't respond she continues, feeling stronger than she actually is, “Scott Moir I want you to look at me and listen."

And he does, stares into her eyes as if trying to get a read on what her next words will be.

"Who I fuck and why I fuck them are not your concern anymore. The only thing you should be worried about from here on out is how you'll be tailing us on every podium until the Olympics. Because you really should be worried about how your partner isn't half as good as I am."

She storms off then. She's sure the end of her ponytail's whipped him in the face, but she can't find it in her to care. 

_So_ _much_ _for_ _not_ _being_ _cruel_. She thinks as she makes her way across the parking lot.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact I know nothing about the order of skating competitions and even less about the logistics of switching partners. Suspend your belief a little bit and enjoy!

Things kind of even out after that. Meryl and Scott skate, Marina praises them, picks at them, and they fix their mistakes. The same goes for Tessa and Charlie. Until one day after too much picking Tessa loses it on the ice, in front of everyone, on Marina.

"I don't know what you want me to do here? Fuck him on the ice or something? Jesus Marina, what more am I supposed to give you here?"

"You don't need to fuck him Tessa," she says coolly, "Only make it appear that you want to. Although, fucking him would probably help with that."

Her and Charlie both turn beet red at that and Tessa realizes that everyone is staring. It's not that she finds Charlie unattractive, more just that he isn't her type... And he's in love with Tanith even if he'll never admit it.

"I think that's enough for the day." Marina says dismissing them and they both skate away to the opposite side of the rink.

They're skating right past Meryl and Scott when she hears it. "Shouldn't be that hard for her to fuck Charlie, she's already hooked up with half the guys at the rink." It's Meryl's voice and she's lookng to get a rise out of her, but Tessa wont let her. Instead glancing at the other half of the duo out of her peripheral vision. Scott is actively looking anywhere but her.

_Good_. She thinks, let him be embarassed about what he said to her weeks ago. Oh, he'd tried to apologize a few times since then, but it was too late for Tessa. 

"You can't let that shit get to you Tess." Charlie whispers squeezing her shoulder.

"I never do," she whispers back.

If only Charlie knew. The second Tessa gets home she wretches up her breakfast and lunch in the toilet.

  
\------

  
Despite the fact that she feels out of control, Carmen is coming along nicely now. Tessa's learning that the best way to get any kind of performance out of Charlie is to fluster him a bit. Her hands linger in places longer than they should. Her face purposely gets too close until she sees the red creep up his cheeks. He learns to touch her at last. Out of all the skaters in the rink, she thinks they've become very good at faking it.

Her and Charlie begin playing the same game her and Scott used to not so long ago with the press. Are they together? Aren't they? How do they feel about competing against their old respective partners? 

_We're a team now._

_Charlie is so good to me._

_Tessa knows me better than anyone._

_I don't know what we'd do without each other._

Little did they know, Charlie was hooking up with girl after girl, trying to screw Tanith right out of his system and Tessa. Well, Tessa found a nice hockey player from a minor league team named Nathan who was good to her. Not altogether especially intelligent, but nice and funny.

_And nice and funny was good for Tessa._

  
\------

 

The thing is, Tessa may be into control of her life when she's awake, but she has no control over what she thinks about when she sleeps. Tessa used to dream about the podium and her medal from Vancouver. When her mom bawled and their families were cheering them on. Canadian flag in her hands.

She dreams of the Canadian national anthem, and Scott's warm breath in her ear telling her they actually did it. Gold medals heavy around their necks. Then she remembers her surgery and her second and the moment Scott told her he wasn't her partner anymore.

_Her dreams are different now._

She's still on the podium, and she's still got a gold medal around her neck, but it's Charlie who's next to her. Charlie who whispers in her ear, and the Star-spangled banner blasts its way through the speakers.

But much to her chargrine, Scott is there too. A step lower on the podium, but his fingertips brush gently the soft skin behind her knee.

_Even in her dreams, Scott wouldn't leave her alone._

  
\------

  
She wakes up at their next competition already sick. The bile rises in her throat and she runs to the bathroom unable to swallow it back down. She's tried to control the urge, but the second she becomes agitated or anxious, she can't stop.

This is not that she hates this competition, more that it's the one of the only competitions left before nationals she just knows they need to be their best. Worlds isn't that far off for them, and they don't want a repeat of the year before. The bronze medal making another round of vomit come surging up. Nathan decided to come and watch this one, having a small break in his schedule. Tessa was grateful actually, as it kept her distracted from an even larger distraction.

By some unlucky draw, her hotel room was right next to Patrick Chan's... _and Scott's._

Someone upstairs must really hate her.  
She's absolutely sure she’s being punished for her cruelty toward him when she sees him sliding his key into his door the exact moment she's leaving her room.

They don't speak, but her heart is pounding in her chest as she passes him. Walking like a woman on a mission to the elevator. Attempting to escape any small talk.

Their paths cross a few times after that. Always by their doors. He doesn't do much more than blink at her, and she doesn't do much more than sink in on herself.

It isn't until Nate's dragging her to dinner one night that they actually speak. Meryl and Scott walking down the hallway toward them, that Tessa sees no clean exit out of this.

"Going out the night before a competition Tessa?" Meryl asks sweetly, but Tessa knows better.

"Yeah, with Nathan, this is Nathan, my boyfriend." She says awkwardly, pulling him closer to her in an already crowded hallway.

Scott, oddly enough, is the only one who does not seem even remotely awkward by this current situation. He smiles at the two of them, sticking his hand out to shake Nathan's, all cool, calm, and collected.

"Hi, I'm Scott Moir."

Tessa hates the way her heart speeds up. 

"I know who you are, Tessa talks about you all the time."

She elbows him in the side, but Scott has already turned his eyes on her, his face breaking out into his classic smirk.

"Does she now?" He smiles wider, "All good things I hope."

"Of course." Nathan smirks right back and Tessa has to fight the urge to elbow him again, instead grabbing his hand and giving him a tug down the hall.

"Good luck tomorrow Tess." She hears Scott say over her shoulder.

  
\------

  
Later that night after Nathan has fallen asleep, lightly snoring she thinks about how she can literally hear everything they're doing next door.

Scott and Patrick are currently watching one of the Godfather movies and she can hear Scott mimicking the lines and she wants to curse whatever higher being that exists for making these walls so fucking paper thin.

She thinks that at some point they'll quiet down, turn out the lights, and go to sleep, but it's now 1AM and they're still watching it. Still talking over it. How Scott could so nonchalantly not sleep before a competition and still wake up ready to go is beyond her and it's pissing her off.

Right as she's about to go out and knock on their door to tell them to quiet down she feels dinner sliding it's way up her throat. The tears are in her eyes as she books it to the bathroom, unable to stop it.

She wonders if he can hear this, her feet thumping across the floor, slamming the bathroom door shut behind her. Nathan still sleeping soundly when she steps out. 

She notices how the sounds on the other side of the wall are much quieter now and her heartbeat picks up. They definitely heard her. She's not sure she's been more ashamed in her life.

  
\------

  
In the morning it's so quick. Toast, brush teeth, kiss Nate goodbye and find Charlie in the lobby to get ready for warmup. In the end, like some kind of miracle, Charlie finds her hand as they're in the kiss and cry, pulling her closer to him. They edge out Meryl and Scott by less than a point.

She can see Scott off to the side running his hands through his hair. He's furious.   
When they talk to the press after its a lot of the same. Excellent competitors, training with the competition makes us better, we're going to make the gap larger.

She catches the last little bit of what Scott says, "We're working out the last little kinks in the program. Our partnership is great. Meryl's the best partner I've ever had." He looks right at her as he says it, and Tessa finds herself looking away first.

A very small part of her feels sad, the other larger part is hurt. It's not like this is new. Hearing Meryl's name come up as his partner, but hearing him says she's the best partner he's ever had is something else entirely.

Charlie must pick up on something because he grabs her hand, squeezing it and pulling her into his side. "You did great Kiddo." It sounds wrong coming from Charlie's lips, but at the same time it feels right. It feels safe. The medals hanging around their necks feel like a small step in the right direction. As if to say, "We still matter too."

Their next competition is more of the same, the gap slightly bigger, Scott slightly more pissed and Charlie more supportive. Nathan made it just in time to watch them skate. Watching him talking to her mother as she was leaving the kiss and cry.

She doesn't know why he sticks around when she hardly has time to see him. She feels bad, but it always seems like when she has a day off he's at practice or away at a game and then when he has a day off she's training or at a competition. But he always tries.

She feels this sinking feeling in her stomach as she stands at the top of the podium and can't entirely expain it. She knows she told Scott this is how things were going to be now, but she never really thought they'd be winning. She should be happy, but she just feels empty.

Nathan goes with her to the banquet that night and she finds herself able to celebrate even if she can't manage to stomach any food. He's in a good mood tonight, happy for her win and happy to meet so many of her friends for the first time.

_Even if so many of them weren't really her friends_.

She can taste the whiskey on his tongue when he kisses her swaying her side to side on the dance floor. She's so wrapped up in her bubble she tries not to think about anything else.

  
_She steps out of the bubble for one moment and it happens._

That's her first mistake. She sees Scott sliding his current girlfriend across the dancefloor. Their eyes meet for just a second. She looks away. She excuses herself for a moment, to go to the bathroom, to give herself a minute to breathe, and the moment she hits the hallway he catches her by the wrist.

She tries to shake him off, but his grip is insistant.

"What do you want Scott?" she feels tears well up in her eyes and can't even begin to explain why.

He pulls her to him them, wrapping her up in a hug. She feels her breathing begin to match up to his without meaning to. She doesnt cry then, as much as she wants too, but she does pull him closer. Closer than would be acceptable for two people who are seeing other people.  

And they stand that way for she doesnt even know how long. Scott doesnt speak and neither does she. He just holds her, and she's slightly embarrassed at how tightly she's holding him back. His head tucked into her neck, his soft puffs of breath. She's missed it. Being with him like this, like they once had.

She's spent so much time hating him after the incident with Fedor, after he'd ditched her for Meryl. So much time draining herself over Scott Patrick Moir. She thought she did hate him, so sure that she was flushing him out of her system, but the second her touches her is a reminder of what they once had been. 

_They're having a moment and then he has to go and ruin it._

"Nathan Doherty. Really T?"

She pulls away to meet his eyes then. Angry.

"Figured you'd be estatic Scott. He's a Hockey player, your kind of guy."

"Sure. You're not in love with him though."

She opens her mouth to contradict him, but finds she can't. That might be part of the problem. Nathan is good to her. Happy even, but not happy enough. 

"How would you even know?" She snaps back at him.

"Because you loved me once too."

_I've never loved anyone the way I loved you._ She thinks without meaning too, but doesn't say it. When he keeps looking at her with those sad eyes she finds herself giving in, but his next words are unkind.

"At least you aren't lying to yourself anymore Tess."

"And what about you Mr. Monogomous? Why are you chasing after me when you have a girlfriend waiting for you back in there?"

"I could ask you a similar question," Scott says sarcastically, his eyes holding her gaze and she finds a shiver running it's way up her spine. 

Tessa decides that instead of causing a giant scene like she kind of wants too, will just end things now, before they get worse. “Scott, I think there will always be parts of us that want to lean into each other and get lost.” she says softly, "But we can't do that now. We've made our choices."

He narrows his eyes at her, and strangely, she feels naked. “Can't we?” he says it with such surity that it's enticing.

They just stand there, for a beat more before she steps away from him. 

"I may not love him yet Scott Moir, but I like him. I like that he sends me stupid pictures of animals in the park because he thinks they'll make me laugh. And that he sends me flowers just because. Or how he rubs my shoulders because he knows I don't like the scars on my legs being touched. How when we fight I don't have to worry about him hurting me."

And suddenly that surety on Scott's face is gone. His hands grab her shoulders pulling her close. His eyes finding hers and it almost feels like deja vu.

Shes brought back to another time. After she found out Scott was choosing Meryl.

Back when he thought he and Tessa were still in a relationship. Her heart breaking as she told him he was nothing so her as they stood in her entryway. The way his eyes looked lost.

She blinks and the moment is gone. "You don't get to act like this is all on me Tess. This pain between us has been from both sides." His voice waivers as he gets the words out.

When Tessa pushes away from him then, she decides she doesnt need to use the restroom after all. Running into Scott had been a cold bucket of water to the face on its own.

When she finds Nathan at another table chatting up Charlie and some girl she doesn't know it's like he's hardly noticed she was gone. It should bother her, but she's grateful she doesnt have to explain herself.

_Tessa Virtue has lied to herself enough to last a lifetime._

 

  
\------

 

  
Tessa spends so much time training, watching her weight, and worrying about their program, it's like her mind is on autopilot. Skate, eat, vomit, pretend her and Charlie are something, remember to text Nathan that she can't hangout tonight when she leaves the rink. 

She's making her way through the deserted hallway when she hears them, the door to the men's locker room wide open, their voices echoing out.

"Tessa's putting him on the backburner because of you." Charlie's voice sounds accusatory. 

"Okay?" Scott's is more reserved.

"She's holding him at arms length because you keep trying to reel her back in. I just thought you should know, it's messing with her head and I thought you were better than that."

Her heart is in her stomach as his words leave his mouth. She thought she'd been hiding it pretty well, but Scott's words at the banquet had struck a cord as much as she wished they hadn't.

"She hasn't said anything to me about it."

"Like she'd tell you after everything you've said and done to her."

"Maybe instead of worrying about Tessa's love life Charlie you focus on the fact she keeps losing weight."

Her face pales at the idea Scott's noticed more about her than she thought.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Charlie sounds angry now.

"Ask Tess about it, she'll tell you. Igor's basically been making her starve herself or stress her out so much she throws up everything she eats since as far back as Juniors."

She high tails it out of there before she can hear what Charlie says, panicked that they'll know she's heard them.

It’s not like she was trying to eavesdrop. It's just that because they all skate at the same rink and have the same coach it's so far out of her control. She hates the way gossip moves through this place. How everyone probably knows about her and Nathan fizzling out.

She doesn't care, but she does. She hates the way she hears about Scott's conquests in the same way she doesn't like to hear about Charlie's.

They arent together. She's with Nathan and Scott wouldn't know a monogoumous relationship if it hit him in the face. She may not be in love with Nathan, but at least she isn't fucking everything and anything that has a pulse. Honestly, he cant fuck whoever he wants, care about whoever he wants Tessa doesn't care anymore.

 

_Except she does._

 

  
\------

 

  
Even though Tessa's love life is shit, she can't help but think that Charlie's is so much worse.

"She's just always there Tessa."

"Maybe it's a sign."

"Worlds are in two weeks, I don't have time for an execential crisis about whether or not Tanith and I are meant to be. It's just a small crush." He says tacking it onto the end, like he's trying to convince himself. 

"Charlie you're in love with her."

"Is that judgement I hear in your voice?"

They'd come to an agreement after Charlie confronted her about her eating habits. No more secrets, no more judging, more support.

They needed to be in the best mental state in these next few months.

"Not judgement," she whispers, "Worry. We have things we have to focus on right now and we can't be distracted."

"And yet you can date Nathan."

"I'd hardly say one date night a month is dating Charlie." She doesn't have the heart to tell him that Nathan and her agreed they'd be better off friends, her realizing she was more fucked up than she thought, and him realizing she might never see him the way he saw her.

He still planned on coming to watch her and Charlie at Worlds though, trying to be supportive.

"I won't complicate things anymore than I already have T. Frankly, between Meryl, Scott, You, and me, Marina and Igor are already on edge."

"It's because Marina's plan is backfiring Charlie. She didn't think we could do this." Tessa never felt more smug in her entire life.

"And right now we're her top team. So we stay focused on that."

Leaving Charlie's house that day Tessa can't help but feel lighter.

  
\------

  
They win Worlds and for the first time since Charlie and her have become partners she genuinely thinks her and Charlie have a real shot at gold at the Olympics.

She sees the way Meryl leers at her on the plane ride back to Canton. Her eyes not leaving the medal around Tessa's neck, but that isn't the person Tessa cares about.

Scott.

Who wouldn't shake her hand when they'd beaten them only hours before. Scott who wouldn't meet her eyes. Scott who was clearly throwing things around his hotel room after they'd lost because everyone was stuck waiting in the hallway for him to get packed up to leave.

To say it was uncomfortable was an understatement.

 

  
\------

 

  
When the rink throws them a party for winning Worlds she finds them by accident. Drunk off one of the punch bowls one of the boys spiked Tessa can't help but follow them.

Sober Tessa, should've known better. Should have turned around, but it's like she's in a haze when she them stumbling into each other, lips meeting over and over. Her pulling him into the nearest supply closet.

Scott and some girl she thinks is Meryl's friend. She doesn't even know why she's surprised. Everyone loved Scott. Why she decides to sit outside the door across the hall is anyone's guess.

She feels the vomit crawling it's way up, but she swallows it back down. She needs to see this, hear it. So she can remind herself that this is what Scott does. This is who she is competing against. This is the man that traded her up for someone else.

She sits there as the party keeps going on, no one the wiser to what's going on in the supply closet. No one but her. Sipping from her spiked punch and thankful for once that she's not sober. When the door opens they both have the decency too look embarassed to see her sitting there, knowing they've been caught.

"What are you doing here?" Scott voice sounds irritated.

The girl gives his chest one tap before getting the fuck out of there and Tessa is thankful. She feels like crying, but can't really explain why. She realizes she hasn't answered him when his eyes are staring back into hers.

"I was just reminding myself of something." Her words sounds slurred.

He narrows his eyes seemingly unable to articulate what he wants to say. So she speaks instead.

"I hope she was good at least." She says holding up her cup in a toast. She knows it's petty, but she can't help herself.

And he looks angry all of a sudden. "Fuck you Tessa."

"You already have, remember?" She smiles, repeating his words from months ago.

She doesn't know where this brazeness comes from, just that she can't seem to stop. "Really classy Scott, fuck some girl in a supply closet."

"You never complained about fucking in the back of my truck." His words cut through her.

She clenches her hands before standing up, getting ready to push past him, but he steps in front of her.

"No, you don't get to be mad at me Tess. Not for this, not for moving on when you seem to be allowed to."

Her drunk addled brain isn't able to compute what he's saying. "What are you talking about?"

"Nathan. You're allowed to move on, but I'm supposed to mope around forever?"

"We aren't together anymore." She mumbles, "He... he thinks I'm in love with someone else." Her words move so slowly out of her mouth she wonders if she could pull them back in.

When his hand comes up to meet her shoulder she can't help the way she leans into his touch. Habit, more than anything else. She kind of feels like crying.

"Tess..." He whispers, but doesn't say anything else. So, she's left standing there staring at him.

"Did you mean what you said?" The words slip out.

His eyebrow raises in confusion. "What did I say?"

"That she's the best partner you've ever had?"

Realization dawns on his face, and his hand finding it's way to her cheek. "Tessa."

She realizes she must look pathetic. Watching her ex-boyfriend, partner, best friend screw someone else and then ask him if she was good enough. Nathan was right. She was still so caught up in Scott that she was worried she'll never love someone the way she'd loved him.

"We won Worlds," she whispered, "We won Worlds and the only thing I kept thinking was that it should have been us."

The tears have started to slip from her eyes and his hands are cradling her face, like she's something breakable, but it's too late. He broke her ages ago. "I want you to answer me Scott." she says, her voice catching on the words. “Is she a better partner than me?” His eyes look as broken as hers feel.

"This needs to stop," he says and his voice cracking "You're with Charlie and I'm... I'm With Meryl now T."

She feels something akin to guilt thinking about Charlie, who's been nothing, but wonderful to her, but Tessa's never been able to stop herself.

"Do you regret it?" she asks, thinking about all the times she waited for Scott to tell her him skating with Meryl was some kind of sick joke. Waiting for him to come back for her. Before Charlie showed up to save her. "Do you regret leaving me?"

_She wants to hear him say he was wrong._

But he doesn't say anything, just keeps looking into her eyes, and she takes one step away from him, trying to distance her heart from his.

"I'm winning. With someone else, without you, and I'm still... You seem to be just fine skating with Meryl." She knows she probably looks like a child throwing a tantrum, but she's on a roll now. "Don't you regret throwing me away even a little bit?"

When he still doesn't speak, his eyes look like their thinking, but his mouth doesn't move, she finds herself mortified by her outburst. She starts to turn away when she feels his hand on her arm, holding her.

What else is there to say?

"Can you do something for me Scott?"  
When he gives her a small nod she continues, "Can you tell me that we didn't mean anything to each other. That it wasn't love, that I was a terrible partner and that's why you left. That I wasn't enough."

She finds herself unable to meet his eyes, instead memorizes the small scuffs on her shoes.

His hand touches her chin, tilting it so she can't look anywhere else. She sees how glassy his eyes are and wonders if he's going to start crying too. "I can't do that T."

"Why not?"

"Because doing that would mean erasing some of the best years of my life and I'm not willing to do that."

She does step away from him then. Turning around and running, running, running. She finds herself on the bathroom floor, her face touching the cool tile, and cries. 

 


End file.
